at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
