They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
then he tried to convert me to islam
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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