plz talk dirty to me
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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