my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I am midnight drunk by noon
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
