I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
