then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
