someone owes me an orgasm
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
