Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
