Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
