Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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