How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
This house was built for laser tag.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
