Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
