i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
