A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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