just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
