i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
my liver is dry heaving
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize