Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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