I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize