I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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