So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
