He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
