What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
