I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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