You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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