I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
