Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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