is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
