We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
