dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
