you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
