Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
