i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
