he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
