im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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