I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
