just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
