Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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