Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
