great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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