Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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