If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
