Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
