Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
