12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
