dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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