Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
