You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
