he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I have fence marks all over my body
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
