Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize
