I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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