When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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