just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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