No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
