There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
God, I missed his penis.
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