Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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