I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
