you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
