people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
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