she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize