That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
