ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
