To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
