At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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