the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
