Can Purell be used as lube?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize