At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
