I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I need water and some morals
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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