Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
