i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
