he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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