I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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